What Are Your Table Manners Saying About You?

There are consequences to poor dining etiquette, though people aren’t always consciously aware of them.

Last week during an etiquette class a man shared that at a recent business dinner one of his employees kept taking bites from a big piece of meat that she had on her fork. I asked him if there were any consequences to this behavior. He replied that he didn’t think so.

I then asked him if she was someone he would consider for promotion. He thought for a moment and replied, “No, I wouldn't. I couldn’t have her taking clients out to dinner.”

What do your table manners say about you? Are you comfortable taking customers to lunch? Ordering wine? Interviewing for a job during a meal? Knowing how to be a gracious host or guest is an important business skill. To become more knowledgeable about dining, you can participate in my webinar tomorrow at 11: 30 a.m. Sign up at www.pachter.com

7 Ways to Avoid Saying or Doing the Wrong Thing with E-mail

E-mail is one of the main ways people communicate in today’s workplace, yet business people still make embarrassing mistakes when sending messages to customers, colleagues, bosses or potential employers. Follow these 7 suggestions so your e-mails convey a professional message:

1. Double check that you have selected the right recipient. Pay attention when typing a name from your address book in the "TO" line. It's easy to select the wrong person.

2. Add the e-mail address last. You don’t want to send an e-mail before you have finished writing and proofing it. Even when you are replying to a message, it’s a good precaution to delete the address and insert it once you are sure the message is ready to be sent.

3. Use a professional e-mail address. “Hotmama@...” “Diva@...” or “the sexyone@...” are not appropriate addresses.

4. Do not come across abrupt. Read your message out loud. If it sounds harsh to you, it will sound harsh to the reader. You’ll seem friendlier if you use a salutation.

5. Make your message easy to read. Looks count. Vary the length of your sentences and paragraphs. Long sentences or paragraphs are more difficult to read.

6. Be cautious with humor. You can bomb badly. Something perceived as funny when spoken may come across very differently when written.

7. Proofread every message. Mistakes will be noticed and, depending upon the recipient, you will be judged for making them.

Joining a Professional Association: Is It Worth It? Yes!

By Brianna Rozzi, Pachter & Associates Intern and Guest Blogger

With busy schedules and a tight economy, it might seem unnecessary to join a professional association in your industry. But do not be fooled, professional associations have much to offer to further your career.

• Network. Through meetings and events, you are able to network with other people in your industry. Find out what’s going on in the industry through word of mouth and make connections that can be useful throughout your career.

• Be recognized for your achievements. Many organizations recognize businesses and individuals for their best practices and accomplishments. This is a great way to get you or your business publicity and attention in your industry. News travels fast and the people you work with as well as prospective clients can catch wind of the news.

• Catch up on new practices. New techniques enter your industry? Don’t understand social media? Professional associations have local chapters that hold monthly meetings and regional and annual conferences that discuss current practices as well as emerging trends.

• The Trade Publication. Most professional associations have a trade publication that is distributed to the entire membership, providing up-to-date information or research about your profession

Convey Confidence…Whether You Feel It or Not!

Last week a business owner told me that he obtained a huge contract because he didn’t convey his nervousness when he talked to a potential customer. His company was chosen because he seemed sure in his ability to fulfill the large order and his competition seemed unsure.

The competition had the ability to do the requested work, but conveyed a very different message to the potential customer.

You want to appear confident when interacting with customers and potential customers. For many reasons people can feel nervous when a new opportunity appears—fearing the unknown, stretching their capabilities, fearing failure, etc. But if you express that uncertainty, your customers will take their business elsewhere and you will have lost the opportunity to grow your business and yourself.

To avoid giving prospective customers reasons to go elsewhere, tell yourself you can handle the work (because you can!), speak confidently, eliminate your filler words ("um," "ah," “you know”) and avoid using self-discounting words, such as “I try to…” or “I’ll see if…”

What Are Your Actions Telling Others?

You learn a lot from coaching people. One thing that stands out from the stories that my participants have told me: if you do something different than your usual routine, your colleagues will notice and can make assumptions, often negative ones, about your actions.

A woman wore a skirt suit to the office, instead of her casual clothing. Her boss asked her if she was interviewing for a new job. (She had a funeral to attend.)

A man decided to clean his very messy office. The president of the company asked him if he was getting ready to leave the company. (He wanted to return some personal items to his new home office.)

Another man started staying late at the bar where his colleagues would go after work. They would leave and he didn’t. They thought he was developing a drinking problem. (He was dating the bartender.)

Be aware. Are you doing anything different than usual? Will your actions inadvertently convey a negative image?

Ways to Continue a Conversation

I always notice the shy people in my seminars and really appreciate it when they gather their courage and ask their questions. Last week one woman spoke up and said she wanted to know how to keep a conversation going. She knows to ask people questions, but then what? What do you do after the person answers your question?

My suggestion was to make one of these four types of comments. They will usually produce more information to discuss.

• Expanding: “Tell me more; it sounds as if you had a great time.”
• Self-revealing: “I know what you mean. I was in a similar situation last year.”
• Comparing: “That sounds as if it is similar to…”
• Clarifying: “What exactly did he do?”

Try them out at your next networking event and see how much easier making conversation can become.

Stop Using the Blackberry Under the Table

A major company lost a large contract because one of their executives used his Blackberry under the table during a meeting with a potential client.

There is a learning curve with new technology. I rarely have to remind people anymore to turn off their cell phones in meetings, avoid all caps in an email, or speak slowly when leaving their phone number on voicemail. These technologies have been around for a while.

Yet the Blackberry can still cause us difficulty.

A woman in my training class last week complained that her employees constantly use their Blackberries under the table during meetings. She wanted to know what to do. I told her Blackberry misuse will get better over time as people learn from their mistakes and etiquette experts weigh in. Until then, I suggested that she needed to set guidelines for her employees. I told her about a president of a company that had established a new policy. He instructed his senior staff to leave their Blackberries outside their weekly meeting room and arranged a special case to store them.

Wives have also established guidelines. A man brought his Blackberry to the dinner table and his wife said, “It’s either me or the Blackberry.” He thought for a moment and then put the Blackberry away!